I have been walking around for the past four days feeling like my husband left me without warning. Like I need to constantly count kids. Like I am a social freak who has been ostracized from the world.
My iPhone drowned in an unfortunate toilet water accident. I know, what a sh*tty way to go. I held onto that thing even though I smashed it in my car door months ago because I didn’t want to part with it. My husband would go behind my back and tape my ghetto phone so chards of glass wouldn’t get stuck in my fingers or scar my unsuspecting three-year-old who is equally obsessed. It was pathetic, but it still worked. I knew parting with my iPhone would feel like a bad breakup, and it does. Actually, I am feeling more sadness about this than I did letting go of most of my ex-boyfriends. #Sorrynotsorry; it’s true.Despite an emergency rice bath, my iPhone did die in toilet water–and, worst of all, it was New Jersey toilet water. I couldn’t even mourn my loss in the comfort of my own home because I was visiting my Mommy Maven at the time. I had to use Mapquest for directions to drive home–talk about old school–and update my husband on my progress by relying on the kindness of strangers. One Mommy asked me for a Pull-Up in exchange for use of her cell phone…it was like a drug deal at a rest stop with kid contraband. That’s how I roll these days.
So now I am trying to make do with an annoying replacement phone while I wait for a new iPhone (damn insurance plan…I need instant gratification). I don’t know how to use it, the keyboard is super small and inadequate (yes, size does matter!), and it doesn’t work half of the time. I am not texting, not emailing, not facebooking, not tweeting, not Googling. I am not even fighting with Siri about her questionable directions (sorry, girl…please come back to me). How much can I take?
Even though I couldn’t locate my iPhone much of the time due to my raging case of Mommybrain, I would always find it (Scott downloaded an app that found it for me…love that guy). It became a second skin. I didn’t realize it just how much I rely on that little device until now. It’s my lifeboat to sanity when my son is freaking out. It’s the way I get around the world. It’s my connection to my BFFs, who all happen to live states away (NJ, NY, and MI). It’s my alarm clock. It’s my goto computer. It’s my stream of music in my too quiet office. It’s the time capsule of my life, housing thousands of photos. It’s entertainment for my toddler in a pinch. It’s one of the main ways I communicate with my teenager. It’s sugar and spice for my marriage, too.
And now it’s gone.
The only good thing about not having a working phone is I have chauffered my teenager a little less, simply because she can’t text me and she, like, doesn’t call people. Otherwise, I suddenly feel like an uneducated fool with no friends and no sense of direction. I even had to call 411 for a phone number today! What is that, $2 or something?
I am in iPhone withdrawal. I have the shakes. This is real. I know there are more important things to talk about, but this is what’s on my mind. Are you addicted to your iPhone or Smartphone?? I can’t be the only one…