If you want to test your courage, strength, and endurance, schedule a photo session for a seven-month-old and a teenager one week before Christmas. It is much harder than any Iron Man competition, trust me.
Sure, those who compete in an Iron Man complete a 112-mile bike, 26.2-mile run, and 2.4-mile swim. But I had to fight massholes whizzing around the mall parking lot 112 times with their blinkers permanently on while stalking people for spots. They mouthed at least 26 profanities that would make most blush when they realized the spot hoarders weren’t leaving, they were just unloading gifts into their trunks to free their hands for more shopping. And I almost got in 2 accidents with my 2 kids in the car before I pulled into a space with a maneuver worthy Indy 500 recognition.
When I finally got to the studio, dozens of strollers made the reception area virtually impassable, the front desk was overwhelmed with holiday-hungry people, and I was greeted by a woman oozing fake Christmas cheer. I knew she’d like to be anywhere but there; at least that’s something we had in common.
My seven-month-old, who’s usually a ham in every sense of the word, mostly wanted to look anywhere but at the camera, and my teenager wanted me to look at her hair to ensure it was up to her standards between takes. My pseudo elf photographer kept saying, “Oh my G-d, he’s so cute,” while tickling my seven-month-old with a germ laden feather to get him to smile, which made my teenager roll her eyes in annoyance. I was literally melting under the hot lights while doing the appropriate song and dance to make both of them happy.
When we finished the half-hour session I texted my husband and asked him to please join me in prayer for one good shot for our first family New Year’s card. The man knows I am crazy, but married me anyway, so he obliged.
When the proofs came up on the computer screen, I crossed my fingers and my toes jammed in 4-inch heels for one miracle shot. Shockingly, my teenager and I almost drove our pseudo elf to Grinchland while looking through the selection because there were so many beautiful ones to choose from! Christmas has come early to the Meltzer family. You’ll just have to wait for our New Year’s card to see for yourself.