Decoding Facebook for Mommies

72 days feels like an eternity to K & K. K?

Ashley is on her second divorce, a la Kim Kardashian. And both of her relationships didn’t even last 72 days.

Don’t call the cops…they were only legal on Facebook.

I received a flurry of emails from loved ones when Ashley changed her status from single to married…and they weren’t wondering where she was registered. Our friends and family, young and old (except for my husband who vows to remain Facebook-free), are on the social network, and a 15-year-old getting married understandably sparked some interrogation conversation. “Is Ashley in a serious relationship? Come on, Jodi, you can tell me…”

Uh, no. Both of Ashley’s husbands are just friends. Really. The basis for a good marriage is friendship, right?

Even so, I must admit her repeated trips to the Facebook altar did pique my interest. Why would she marry guys she’s just not that into? What’s the point? And why does she sometimes write the sweetest stuff to girls I know she can’t stand on Facebook? Perplexing.

I am a young Mom (maybe not physically, but mentally I can get right back in the halls of High School in seconds)…and I still feel clueless about some of the underground Facebook lingo. A teen’s interpretation of Facebook is different than a Mommy’s, believe me. So I am here to decode it for you…with Ashley’s help. You can thank me later!

Decoding Facebook for Mommies

“In a Relationship”= actually dating…for real. Dating seems to me to be more like mad texting, a few actual calls, and hanging out on the weekends. Boys these days don’t have to be humiliated by calling the house phone and asking a parent for their crush in a shaky pubescent voice. And the girl doesn’t have to scream, “I’ve got it. Hang up!” as she rolls her eyes in frustration. Ah, those were the days.

“Married“= friends. It could also mean friends with potential for something more, but it’s mostly purely platonic (much like some marriages wind up!).

“It’s Complicated” = dating, but it really depends on the day. Some couples take the weekend off to hook up with others and go back to each other during the week. It is complicated.

“Creeping”= if a girl like someone she constantly creeps on his page to see if other girls are commenting on his status updates or photos. One can also creep on someone she doesn’t know if s/he doesn’t have privacy settings enacted. It’s a term that’s a little gentler than full-out stalking.

“Like” versus “Comment”= If dating, a guy can comment on girl’s photos. If a guy likes a girl’s photo and he’s not involved with her, it’s code for “you’re hot.” You got that?

“Love you girrrlllll”=possible frenemy. Girls write it to each other even if they don’t really like each other. Don’t be fooled by the love.

That’s all I could get out of her for now. If I hear more, I’ll keep you in the know.

***A new dish is coming next post!***