Is it a prerequisite that all children’s television shows must feature at least one creep?Exhibit A: The Wiggles. A group of four grown men dressed in different colored shirts tucked in to spandex pants shaking their stuff is nothing short of creeptastic. They look like the disco version of the Star Trek Enterprise on speed. The Red Wiggle is Frankenstein with a sinus infection (no idea how he landed a singing gig), the Yellow one truly has a little too much shimmy in his shake, and the Purple Wiggle sleeps through every episode dreaming of his cash because he knows he’s off the creepy charts. And then there’s the Blue Wiggle, Anthony. I know him by name because he’s got a George Clooney complex.
The guy makes love to the camera because he’s convinced he’s God’s gift to desperate housewives stuck listening to “Hey There Shaky Shaky” on repeat. His meticulous sideburns scream “The Fonz”, his teeth sparkle white (I can almost hear the “ding” in my head when he smiles), his muscles bulge out of his too-tight costume, and he has a penchant for porn star mustaches in skits. Tone it down a notch, Anthony. I am not that desperate. Stop undressing me with your eyes while my husband is in the shower, okay? Isn’t anything sacred anymore, you creep? It’s a children’s show, dammit. Exhibit B: Mr. Noodle. Elmo’s high-pitched voice echoes in my head when I get up every single morning at 3:30 a.m. to pee (sign number 3,339 that I am getting old
The prosecution rests. Case closed, right? Our children like creeps.
***What’s the perfect dessert for creeps to serve to our children? Sugar cookies! Mine are delicious…and not creepy. Promise.***
2 3/4 cups flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1 cup softened butter
1 1/2 cups white sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
3 to 4 tablespoons buttermilk
Sprinkles or colored sugar, for decorating
Preheat oven to 375 degrees.
In a small bowl, stir together flour, baking soda, and baking powder. Set aside.
In a large bowl, cream together butter and sugar until smooth. Beat in the egg and vanilla. Gradually blend in dry ingredients. Add enough of the buttermilk to moisten the dough and make it soft, not wet.
Roll rounded teaspoons of dough into balls and place on a ungreased cookie sheet. With a brush or fingers, moisten the top of each cookie with the remaining buttermilk and slightly flatten the top of each cookie. Sprinkle with raw sugar or colored sprinkles.
Bake for 8 to 10 minutes or until slightly golden. Let stand for 2 minutes before removing to cool on a rack. Yum!
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