39? Who, me?

Didn't I just get my license yesterday? How could this happen?

I know I am officially knocking on 40’s door, but, as of this morning, I feel like I am busting in COPS-style. How am I supposed to embrace turning 39 in a mere 5 days when sh*t keeps happening?

I woke up with the early bird breakfast special crowd, as usual, and staggered into the bathroom after changing Alex’s 10-pound diaper (morning weight training, baby), begging him for 1.5 hours to “shhhh” so my teenager could wake-up refreshed for school, and whipping up breakfast selections for his pull-my-hair-out-strand-by-strand-I-want-to-scream discriminating toddler palate. I was expecting to see my normal makeup smeared, bed-headed self…no biggie…but I saw IT instead. IT…a little freaking furrow burrowing its way into a crease near my right eyebrow that WAS NOT THERE YESTERDAY. It’s now mid-day, and IT is gone…but not forgotten.

It's really confusing what to do from this point on.

Isn’t that what happens to women of a certain age? You wake up in the morning with a wrinkle, IT goes away, and then IT buys the prime real estate at a short-sale price on the Upper East Side of your face? I don’t want to look like I am permanently pissed off or constantly questioning other Moms at playgroups—really, that won’t win me any friends. What am I supposed to do about IT?

This…on the heels of me losing a piece of tooth yesterday. Yeah, that’s right…there I was, chomping on some sugar-free Juicy Fruit like a good dieting citizen while being held hostage in my car by my sleeping son when I heard an unfamiliar noise. I reached into my mouth thinking it was a piece of filling (again, no biggie), but quickly realized it was tooth. Yes, tooth. Uh, what happened? Did it just give out after 30-something years of service with no warning or fanfare whatsoever?

I swear I wasn’t scarfing down Milk Duds in the privacy of my car when it happened. It was sugarless gum. I was only thinking of the Milk Duds. I should’ve known better…just like looking at pizza sticks to my thighs through some force unknown to man. I am screwed.

I don’t want to become a wrinkled, toothless wonder on a perpetual diet at 39. I had Yummy Mummy higher hopes for myself.

How do I stop IT in its tracks? Clarisonic? Wrinkle creams? Yoga? Bread and olive oil (that was wishful thinking)? Come on, dolls, share your best beauty tips with me. I know 40 is the new 30, blah, blah, blah…and I still have another whole year until I turn the big 4-0. But I don’t even know how the hell I got to be 39, and it’s not looking good so far.

Do I need to remind you again that I turn 39 in 5 days? Help a woman of a certain age out, please!

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4 Responses to 39? Who, me?

  1. Michelle says:

    Dahling, you simply must remove the makeup before bed.

    Two words: eye cream. With a retinol. I have been using since age 25. Not a crow’s foot in sight.

    Exfoliate. Gently, but turn those cells over!

    A healthy Mediterranean diet is also a nice anti-aging strategy. You are a vegetarian, so you are good there.

    Finally,have fun and love your fabulous self.

  2. Jill says:

    I swear by the NuSkin Ageloc Galvanic spa and skin care regimen. It has worked wonders for me! In fact, I love it so much I became a distributor. I also agree with the other comments above, especially to exfoliate, get a great eye cream and always wash your makeup off before bed!!!

  3. Jamie says:

    Try to sleep if you can, even cat naps here and there, stay hydrated, and moisturize. Also don’t sleep in the same position each night. That could be the reason you woke up with a line and it went away!

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