Mommy MC

Are you with me when I say I will do just about anything to keep Alex from falling asleep in the backseat of the car?

Today, I rapped both Jay Z and Kanye West’s rhymes in “N*ggas in Paris” like I was center-stage at Madison Square Garden when I saw my son’s eyes getting heavy in the rear-view mirror. We were ten minutes away from the house (and “me” time for Mommy), so I had to bring it. I tickled the little remaining fat fold on his thigh repeatedly to the line, “What she order, fish filet?” to make him laugh (say that 10 times and your kid will…trust me), and pretended the dashboard was my personal turntable for dramatic effect. I shook my shoulders, flung my free hand up in the air, and beat-boxed like only a white Jewish girl can.

The car next to me got to see the show for free. Bastard. I think I am getting good enough to charge for this sh*t. MC Jodi’s in the hoooouuuuusssseee. I know I made his day. And Alex stayed awake long enough for me to put him in for a fingers and toes crossed two-hour power nap on a long-a$$ rainy day that seems to drag on forever. Hallelujah!

What was I supposed to do? There was a monsoon outside so I couldn’t roll down the windows (even I have standards). He was full from a lunch at Grammy’s (code: overstuffed to the point of possibly skipping dinner), so I couldn’t give him a cool car snack like Pirate’s Booty to keep him up. He flung his car toys on the floor like I was handing him dirty diapers. I had to rap. Hard core. I broke out the air guitar to Journey’s “Separate Ways” last week. MC Jodi’s gotta keep it fresh, ya know? I am definitely in my zone, zone, zone…

So, are you as protective of naptime as I am? Will you lovingly torture your child so he stays awake long enough to crash in his crib?

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