Hello, Summer?!

Of all of the indignities I’ve suffered on this Mommyhood journey–which include, but aren’t limited to: being spit up on, pooped on, peed on, woken up, hit, bit, yelled at, and ignored entirely–I endured the one I hate most of all today.

Bathing suit season–two months early. Hello, summer starts in late-June, dammit!! But, in my sucker-for-my-son’s-obsession-with-all-things-water-world, it began today.

I slid into a bathing suit and a cold, pee-infested pool so my son can learn to swim. I know I am not the only Mom–there were other heroes braving the elements in my class, of course–but I was the only one showing skin. Somehow I missed the memo that all of the Moms wear big T-shirts or shorts and tank tops to cover up their winter bodies this time of year. So, there I was, in my pale, post-pregnancy glory, modeling (hahaha I use that term very loosely) last year’s (or was it the year before?) tired, outdated tankini at the Y. The only other uncovered caregiver was a Grandma. Me and Grams, suited up and ready to go.

From what I saw (I am ninja-like when it comes to scoping out the scene when I feel uncomfortable), only one of the little “potty trained” peeps let her pee-pee go in the pool, and none of the Moms mocked me for my swim fashion faux pas (not bad, considering)…but it still sucked. Alex kept yelling, “HI!!!!” to everyone over and over and over, as usual, in the large, echoey pool room, to make sure all the senior citizens enjoying the nearby hot tub checked out my barely-covered butt when he realized the Moms were being cool. Thanks, buddy.

Problem with today was I wasn’t mentally or physically prepared for my big debut. I called the Y to inquire about registration, and, after reviewing all of the scheduling choices with my enthusiastic Y-helper who must have been slurping down her 10th can of Coke, I realized the only class that worked started in an hour. I quickly shaved in the living room (no one to watch Alex but me–a Mom’s gotta do what a Mom’s gotta do), rifled through my bathing suits stashed in the basement, prayed Alex’s still fit, and high-tailed it over to CVS for Little Swimmers.

Normally, it’s an epic event the first time I get in a bathing suit for the year. I am not proud to admit this (well, maybe I am because I’ve learned every fake-out trick in the book), but I get a full-body, personally applied spray tan, hemorrhage however much money it takes to find a suit that suffocates hugs my curves (hiding the receipt if necessary), and brave the waxing b*tches’ wrath. I had no time for my grooming rituals today. The things I do for my son! He had a great time, and there are no photos to document that I came to play at the Y-M-C-A (did you really think I could resist linking to this song?). That’s all that matters, right?

In the spirit of summer, I whipped up some Blueberry Smoothies for us when we got home. Alex looks phenomenal in his suit, but I need to be downing these on a regular basis the next few months! It’s a healthy snack both Moms and toddlers love.

Blueberry Smoothies

Ingredients

1 cup no-fat or low-fat vanilla (or Banilla if you’re feeling saucy) yogurt
1 cup blueberries (Mommy Dish note: you can substitute any kind of fruit you like if you’re not a fan of blueberries)
1/4 cup milk
1 dash honey
Ice

Method

Place yogurt, blueberries, milk, honey, and a handful of ice into a blender. Blend until smooth. Taste it for sweetness and add more honey if desired. Yum!

Please click on the banner below! I mean, I spent the day in pee…it’s the least you can do: