50 Shades of Grey

Am I the only woman who hasn't read this book or what?!

Okay, let’s dish about this blockbuster “Mommy porn” book, shall we?

Apparently, I am the equivalent of the last kid picked for the kickball team because I have not indulged in 50 Shades of Grey…yet. But I’ve gotten lots of swift kicks in the a$$ tips to get me started on the scintillating series (everyone has told me to just go ahead and buy all three books because they’re as addictive as chocolate):

– One of my friends delights in reading the 50 Shades series at family functions…on her Kindle. That way, her kids are playing with their cousins, the hubby is distracted by beer and baseball, and she has some time to fantasize. Keeping it on her Kindle makes it even hotter because it’s her own dirty little secret. When her dear old uncle recently asked her what she was reading, she told him The New York Times. He smiled, impressed by her intellectual curiosity, while she stifled her laughter (kid-free and NYT just don’t go together, in her opinion, and, yes, she’s fulfilling her sexual curiosity, Uncle Al).

– My fifty-something-year-old dental hygienist brought it up before my latest round of mouth labor (I am personally paying for my dentist’s kid’s swanky sublet in NYC, thankyouverymuch). She told me she’s no prude AT ALL, but she’s “just not into bondage or domination.” Um, okay. I needed that visual to accompany the shriek of the drill. She blushed 50 shades of red when it dawned on her that I am a patient and not her BFF, and we’re chatting over shots of Novocain, not real shots. It was really funny.

– A random woman stuck in a long line alongside me at the post office told me she reads it with her husband every night before bed. They’re already on book two, and their marriage is on fire. ON FIRE, she said, 50 times in line, making sure everyone could hear that she is now a suburban sex kitten. Meow. Oops, ME-OW!

– Some Mommies I routinely run into at the playground told me I need to call in every favor I can possibly think of to secure childcare so I can devour the pages quickly. They all b*tched about being interrupted by poopy diapers, sibling rivalry, (insert your Mommy drama here). Kids are cold showers. Got it.

– And, of course, Saturday Night Live hilariously dubbed it THE gift for Mother’s Day. Forget the flowers, boys, get the smut (Scott, if you’re reading, I’ll take both).

Alright, alright, I am convinced…I am going to carve out some time for this must-read. Did it consume your life once you started the first book? What makes it so good that Mommies can’t stop talking about 50 Shades of Grey?

In honor of dirty books and upcoming Mother’s Day brunches, I am re-posting one of my favorite naughty dishes: French Toast Casserole. Make it this weekend, or have someone make it for you. No calorie counting on Mother’s Day!


French Toast Casserole

Ingredients

1 loaf French bread
8 large eggs
2 cups half-and-half
1 cup milk
2 tablespoons granulated sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
Dash salt
Praline Topping, recipe follows
Maple syrup

Method

Slice French bread into 20 slices, 1-inch each. (Use any extra bread for garlic toast or bread crumbs). Arrange slices in a generously buttered 9 by 13-inch flat baking dish in 2 rows, overlapping the slices. In a large bowl, combine the eggs, half-and-half, milk, sugar, vanilla, cinnamon, nutmeg, and salt and beat with a rotary beater or whisk until blended but not too bubbly. Pour mixture over the bread slices, making sure all are covered evenly with the milk-egg mixture. Spoon some of the mixture in between the slices. Cover with foil and refrigerate overnight.

The next day, preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Spread Praline Topping evenly over the bread and bake for 40 minutes, until puffed and lightly golden. Serve with maple syrup.

Praline Topping

1/2 pound (2 sticks) butter
1 cup packed light brown sugar
1 cup chopped pecans
2 tablespoons light corn syrup
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg
Combine all ingredients in a medium bowl and blend well.

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2 Responses to 50 Shades of Grey

  1. M says:

    As with Twilight and Real Housewives, I am taking a pass. Life is too short for bad writing.

  2. Kelly says:

    Oh Mommy Dish..where to begin!

    This book isn’t all about bondage, subs, and doms…it goes way deeper than that helping explain why this man is the way he is. He brings you to the dark side but then brings you back with romance, mystery, and makes you cheer for him and Ana through all three books. Did I enjoy the explicite scenes? Of course! I’m not going to lie, it definitely brought up some interesting ideas! Did I continue reading one day and was late to work? YES! Did I stay up until 2am reading and cry at the end of the first book? YES! It’s just drawn me like no other book has in such a long time. I feel like I know Christian and Ana I just can’t explain it! I read the first book in Florida and thank god I have a Nook too, I was able to keep my secret from everyone too! Read it WITH my hubby? Um no thanks, let me live in my fantasy and I’ll be sure he is rewarded from leaving me alone! 😉 Cheers and definitely get some Mommy Juice to go with all three books! Enjoy!

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