The Times They Are A-Changin’

Struggling with the thought of leaving him, even part-time. Love my little man.

There’s going to be a seismic shift in my son’s life.

School. A gentler word for daycare, which conjures up scary news reports that replay in my mind at 3:00 a.m. (am I the only one who can’t sleep through the night even though her kid does?). School–yeah, let’s stick with that term.

I am freaking out. Oh, and I am feeling guilty, too…because I’ve had a rough few days with my ultimate fighter son. It’s like a school bell went off, alerting my newly-minted two-year-old that it is now “part of his development” to throw a massive tantrum in the mall that requires me to carry him out face forward, on his side, so he can’t hit, pinch, or pull my hair in protest. Unbelievably, I ran out of quarters to feed the germ-infested, sorry-looking carousel near the food court on a rainy day (my traitor Costanza wallet was deceptively jam-packed with pointless pennies that should be outlawed). Yeah, I have turned into one of those women I used to feel sorry for when I was single, smirking to myself, thinking I will never have a kid like that.

I have a kid like that. I am that woman with a sweaty lip, screaming apologies through Bloomingdale’s, while trying to avoid air punches. I consider Alex a part of my cardio regimen; carrying a 30-pound boy from center court to the parking lot makes me feel the burn, let me tell you.

Even though my son can throw a give me an IV of Mommyjuice–stat! decent fit with me, I took him to three different schools–all “the best of the best” (of course they are–I am neurotic news report Mommy who has soundbites of frantic parents pounding on the locked daycare door in a desperate attempt to set their children free echoing in my head)–and he walked in like he owned the joints. Self assured, he pretty much said, “Hey, I am Alex, and I have arrived. Now you can really sing and dance with some enthusiasm. The party has started.”

I'll think about this at 3:00 a.m.

I know he’s going to love school. He’s incredibly social, curious, and has a true zest for learning. And I have been offered a dream gig doing my public relations/marketing/communications guru work twenty minutes from my house for a global firm that’s going to let me work part-time to transition my son slowly. It would be hard to pass it up, as I spent a lot of years building a career before becoming a SAHM.

My internal dialogue, which I am so grateful is mostly silent (sometimes I slip and blurt, but that’s just me), has been constantly abuzz since I made the decision. I am not going to be there for him every single second. Someone else is going to change his diaper. What if he acts like an American Bad A$$ with the teachers? What if he likes them too much and he showers them with kisses? How is that going to make me feel? How am I going to ever drop him off and leave? Is it the right time, or should I wait? What if he needs his Mommy and I am not there?

I know I am so fortunate that I have been home with Alex these past two years. I saw it all: his first smile, first laugh, first crawl, first step, first run…it was always me on the other end, waiting for him to jump in my arms. I was always the one to congratulate him on an accomplishment, and give him a prideful smile only I can deliver. I was the one who taught him how to speak, how to eat, how to share, how to dance, how to let loose and have fun during our precious years together. I was the one who was there to hold him when he needed a reassuring hug, or kiss him when he puckered his little lips to meet mine. It was just me…and, now, it won’t be.

There are many Mommies who put their kids in school long before me. I know I am lucky, believe me, but I am still freaking out at the thought of leaving my baby, even if he’s ready. Will I ever truly feel ready?

Sorry I have been posting a little less frequently…life has just gotten in the way. Remember, I am freaking! If you still love me, show it, and give me a click below. Thanks.

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5 Responses to The Times They Are A-Changin’

  1. Julie Garte says:

    i think I heard he is going where my girls are and he will love it. Don’t stress, he will be very safe. The teachers are very loving. I am not sure if he will be in Riley’s class but may have the teachers she had this past year and we loved them!! Hope that helps a little!! Good Luck!!

  2. Mommy Dish says:

    I had no idea anyone knew I was sending Alex to the JCC…I only told a couple of people before tonight. : ) Thank you so much for your encouragement and reassurance, Julie, it means a lot. I am thrilled to hear your girls have had a positive experience there, and you love the teachers.

    Thanks for reading my blog, too!

  3. Jody says:

    Congrats on your new job! Sounds super exciting. Can’t wait to hear about it. Alex will love ‘school’, it will all work out! Xoxo

  4. Mel says:

    I’m so excited for you!!!!!! Jodi, I know this is going to be one of the hardest things you’ve had to do yet, but trust me, it’ll be worth it!!! I stayed home with H for the first 18 months and it was amazing! The way H has flourished at school with the teachers and how much fun he has everyday I’ve found was actually something I could not provide for him. And rest assured, no teacher will ever take your place. You’re his one and only mama. 🙂

  5. Kelly says:

    Oh Mommy make me cry just thinking back to when I left Brady…I was a mess and it’s normal. But know that you are teaching him early that it’s ok to be independent and that you will always be there for him and return to get him. That’s what I learned from it all and it’s made Brady more confident and adaptable! I was just like you leaving him and wondering if they will take care of him the way we do. Of course they won’t but know that he will be fine and he will be rockin the school house in no time but he always needs his mama! Congrats on the job they are lucky to have you just as Alex is lucky. He will always be your number 1 priority along with your family but this will be good in the long run! xoxo Cheers to Mommy now go kick up your feet and have some “juice”! 😉

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