Boys and Boobs

National Geographic is porn for little boys. Sorry, but it's true.

My baby boy likes loves boobs. It’s all boobs all of the time at casa Meltzer these days.

I know what you’re thinking…men are generally obsessed with the almighty breast. Shocker. I remember some boys in my neighborhood growing up who tuned in to National Geographic to oogle at some unsuspecting African women as their boobs flopped in the wind doing their daily chores. That same group of boys buried a dog-eared issue of Playboy deep in the woods (they called it “dirty land”) for a cheap thrill. But are all two-year-old boys as fascinated by my cleavage as my son is?

Someday the poor kid may be in therapy due to his fixation with my boobs. I mean, he wants to feel me up as much as my husband does (sometimes more). Forget about a college fund; my son needs a Scarred for Effing Life Fund. I am saving up as fast as I can, Alex.

He yells, “boobies!” nearly every time I bend over to scrape the remnants of breakfast off of the floor or pick up his toys that cover every inch of my house. You guessed it. That’s a lot.

“Boobies! Boobies!”

He's a player.

Uh, yeah, they’re still there, Alex.

He rests his hands on my girls for comfort. You know, when we’re cuddling up, reading a book, or watching T.V. And he’s not nervous to go for second base AT ALL. EVER.

My son was recently at my Mom’s house, Skyping with my niece in Costa Rica, when he started to caress the silicone wrist rest underneath the keyboard rather suggestively. He yelled, “boobies!” at the top of his lungs, as he could hardly contain his delight at his find. My Mom laughed so hard she cried. Even though mine are real (you didn’t ask for this information, I know, I offered…whatever), he is intuitively developing an appreciation for silicone, too. Real or fake…he does not discriminate.

So, is he an early passenger on the boob train, or is this just part of raising a boy?

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Here’s another thing Alex likes…Fava bean dip! It’s an easy snack that’s full of protein and it’s a beautiful way to show him all of the variations of the color green. Yum.

Fava Bean Dip

Ingredients

1 1/2 cups dried fava beans, soaked overnight, or the fresh equivalent (I’ve used both)
2 cloves garlic
1/3 cup olive oil
2 tablespoons lemon juice
2 tablespoons (or more) reserved cooking liquid
1 1/2 teaspoons salt
1 teaspoon ground cumin (I use more…adjust to your preference)
1/2 teaspoon sweet paprika
1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper

Method

Soak the dried fava beans overnight in a large bowlful of water. The next day, drain the beans and peel them if they weren’t already skinned and split.

Place the peeled fava beans in a pot and cover with a generous amount of water. Bring to a boil over high heat, then reduce the heat to medium or medium-high, and simmer the beans until tender, one hour or longer.

Drain the beans, reserving the liquid.

Transfer the beans to a food processor, and add the garlic, olive oil, lemon juice, 2 tablespoons of the reserved liquid, and spices. Process on high speed until smooth, adding additional liquid if necessary to thin the dip. It should be thin enough to pour or spread out on a plate. Taste and adjust the seasoning if desired.

Reheat the dip and serve warm. Garnish with any of the following: ground cumin, paprika, cayenne pepper, olive oil, or chopped parsley. Serve with pita chips. Enjoy!

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