Bitchslapped by the Bird

I can drink. That I know for sure...

I am the turkey this Thanksgiving. Put the fork in me. I am done.

I needed an emergency root canal today. It’s the Super Bowl for home cooks—a beautiful day when everyone collectively ignores their diets—and I am looped up on Tylenol with Codeine, completely unable to chew on the right side of my mouth.

Really, my life is hilarious.

Should I take this as a sign that it’s high time I lose the final ten preggo pounds stalking my ass two years after-the-fact? Who the hell needs an emergency root canal before the biggest eating day of the year? My endodontist’s office was not crowded. I spent two hours of my life being thankful he was cool enough to pass on Muzak for some classic rock while he attacked my “rare, tricky infection” with lots of scary tools, goggles (his and hers–I looked hot), and a sealer that made the entire office smell like burned tooth rubber (appetizing, huh?).

Of course my stealth infection that chose to rear its ugly head on Thanksgiving Eve is “rare and tricky.” Par for the course of my life.

Even though I look like a train wreck with an oversized, droopy lip, I am still cooking. I can’t help myself. I will not be sidelined on Thanksgiving Eve, dammit! Plus, I need to ensure there’s enough mushy sides for me to gum down tomorrow so the antibiotics I am on don’t upset my stomach. Good thing I am a self-professed Side Dish Slut anyway. I’ll be workin’ it tomorrow, denture style.

Give me a click before the dish, please: Top Mommy Blogs - Mom Blog Directory

I decided to make my BFF Jody’s Cranberry and Pear Relish for the first time, and it is an easy and delicious dish (recipe below). Wishing you and yours a very Happy Thanksgiving. May your dentist leave you alone so you can stuff your face in peace. xoxo

This I can eat-- with or without the root canal.

Cranberry and Pear Relish


1 (16-ounce) bag fresh cranberries
1 cup water
1 1/2 cups sugar (or to taste)
3 to 4 unripe pears (Bartlett, Anjou, or Comice), peeled and diced
1/4 cup freshly squeezed lemon juice (I used fresh squeezed orange juice because I love the taste of orange and cranberry)
1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon ground allspice


Rinse and pick over the fresh cranberries, discarding stems and imperfect berries.
In a large saucepan, bring the water and sugar to a boil. Add the pears and simmer for 5 minutes. Add the cranberries and bring the mixture to a boil. Cook, stirring, until the berries start to pop, about 5 minutes.

Remove the pan from the heat and add the lemon juice, cinnamon, and allspice. Chill and serve.

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