17 Reasons Why Raising a Toddler Is One Helluva Workout

MjAxMi1jNTg2MjI1YWI5YjNkOGVmRaising toddlers can be … shall we say, hellish? Hair-raising? Exhausting? Wine provoking? From the DIY to the defiance to the daily drama … it’s challenging, on a good day.

There’s many reasons you’re out of breath sometimes. It’s grueling to make it to parental utopia bedtime. Here’s 17 of the toughest physical challenges of parenting a toddler.

1. Attempting the perfect Elsa-the-naughty-ice-queen-French-braid from Frozen. It is harder than it looks (unless you’re an origami master or hairdresser). And princess wannabes are not known for their patience.
2. Keeping shoes tied during the “I can do it!” phase. No, he can’t. And that means mom has to bend down to tie his shoes 30 times today while fake-smiling in support (working your core and face muscles).
3. Dressing a little boy who has unexpectedly pitched a tent in his underwear. No better test of your fine motor skills than zipping jeans over a boner.
4. Dressing a girl in skinny jeans. They are called skinny for a reason … to drive you insane. Certifiable if she’s refusing to get dressed. Nothing gives a mom a sweaty lip quicker than stuffing kicking legs into those infuriating little holes.
5. Laundry. Moms who aren’t a natural size two from the loads of laundry alone were robbed. Seriously. You deserve to be able to eat ice cream and not gain a pound for your stain fighting, sorting, and folding super powers.
6. Stocking backpacks for school and camp requires at least one trip up the stairs (more like ten in most frazzled moms’ homes). Do they really need all this sh*t?
7. Scraping caked-on remains of the food fight at dinner off of your ceiling.
8. Same goes for dried pee on the toilet. You need to chisel it off at times.
9. Chasing after your toddler in a Chariots of Fire way when he bolts down the aisles at the grocery store. That’s one way to get your cardio in for the day.
10. Carrying screaming kids and groceries into the house (no one is ever home to help, and if they are they don’t hear or choose to ignore your cries).
11. Fighting the good fight … to get your kid into the car and buckled in his car seat. It requires a level of stealthiness and karate skills you simply didn’t have when you were single.
12. Packing healthy, nut-free lunches with cute ‘I love you’ notes to keep pace with the Bento box moms. Or packing lunches. Either way, anything to do with toddler eating is hard. Muttering “toddlers” and “eating” in the same sentence burns calories in moms. It’s a fact.
13. Snow or swim hats. Trying to force one on your kid’s head, and keep it on there. Yeah, good luck with that. Snowsuits? Even harder.
14. Running after your giggling toddler who thinks carrying the germ-infested dog toy in his mouth is absolutely hilarious.
15. Juggling your luggage and your toddler’s suitcase because he “doesn’t feel like carrying it anymore” while holding his hand, keeping track of the tickets, and undressing enough to get through security. That’s a workout, gym rats.
16. Tracing letters and numbers over and over and over. They get it one day and forget it the next. This exercise can give some moms muscle definition.
17. Breaking up sibling fights. Turns out you could have been a damn good NFL referee.

Which physical challenges would you add to the list?

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2 Responses to 17 Reasons Why Raising a Toddler Is One Helluva Workout

  1. Marla McDougall says:

    Happy to have you back posting! It was a touching post about the right to die on your own terms. I’ve missed reading your funny take on life. My child is 21 but I can still remember those toddler days!

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