Coat Drive

What do you do before heading out in to the perfect storm of sleet, freezing rain, and snow besides make a wish to be magically transported to the Caribbean? Put on a winter coat, right?

Wrong…according to my teenager.

Yes, I rocked the 80s with my friend Jody.

I understand shunning a hat. As a teenager in the 80s, I looked like a groupie straight out of a Poison video. I would never compromise my perfectly permed, gravity-defying hair pouf  to preserve body heat, despite my Mom’s repeated pleas. Frankly, I don’t know if there was a hat that could conquer the strong hold Aqua Net had on my teased tresses; my pouf would not go down without a fight with a few rounds of shampoo.

Gloves are equally annoying. They would undoubtedly hamper my teen’s text-per-minute efficiency, so I get why she avoids them like her bed time on a school night. They squeeze select fingers too tight, get stuck on  jewelry, shed black fuzzies all over otherwise stylish outfits, and ruin manicures. How can I really expect her to wear gloves?

But a coat? Really?

My teen walked out the door this morning–in 32-degree weather–wearing nothing but a flimsy fleece. She informed me that other kids who are driven to school wear the same thing, that her locker is too crammed with stuff to accommodate a winter coat, and that I make a big deal out of nothing (all BS excuses, of course). Her Dad didn’t take issue with her winter coat ban on a blustery day, either (too little coffee, maybe?). I was outnumbered.

 Contrary to popular belief, all stepmothers are not created evil. During my treacherous drive back from my toothless son’s doctor’s appointment to check his teething rash, I was tormented by thoughts of my stepdaughter walking home from the bus stop. She is chauffeured in the morning, but is strictly blue collar in the afternoon. She would be miserable walking in the monsoon.

Why are you trying to feed me in a parking lot, Mommy?

I decided to pull over and power feed my son his lunch in a CVS parking lot in an effort to make it to her school on time. My little guy didn’t understand why his Mommy was spoon-feeding him green beans and rice in the backseat, but I did. A stepmonster would make her walk home to prove her point; a Mom would go out of her way to get her. I choose to be a Mom every time.