Busted Stuff

Alex’s eardrum ruptured!

Tear my heart (and hair) out, please.

Nine traumatic visits to the doctor, three rounds of stomach-shaking oral antibiotics, and three shots in the legs that left tell-tale bruises in the span of one month did absolutely nothing. I would be really pissed if I wasn’t so devastated.

I failed to protect my baby.

It happened while I was the lone cheerleader at the only gas station in town that employs people who pump gas for customers (sidebar rant because I am in a raw mood: Why must we fuel our tanks, bag our groceries, return our shopping carts, and check ourselves out at stores and still pay the same amount of money?). I was looking at the new (insanely adorable) picture of Alex I chose as wallpaper for my iPhone when I heard a whimper from the backseat. It wasn’t a loud cry, but it was enough for me to drop my cell into the annoying crevice between my seat and the center console, unbuckle my seatbelt, and climb into the backseat to check on Alex.

His right ear was bloody again. Tears of heartache and frustration sprang to the corners of my eyes, but I suppressed them and delivered the most lovingly genuine I promise you will get better smile to my son that has ever crossed my face.

I have to help him. It’s my job, my life’s mission, the reason why I am his Mommy. I am his protector, his voice, his warm soft washcloth through the pain. I have to help my baby.

By now, I can officially add Pediatrician Stalker as job experience on my resume. I know how to circumvent the automated system in one second flat, offer the specifics needed to pull up his chart on the computer unprompted, and identify the nurses by their voices alone (names are for novices). I got an emergency appointment for an hour later–during dinnertime, of course–and the doctor confirmed what I already knew with my Mommy M.D. Perforated eardrum.

Sounds scary, doesn’t it?

My pediatrician saw the fear in my eyes and heard the exasperation in my voice during my follow up (badgering) questions. Did it hurt? Will this affect his hearing? Does he need tubes?  Where do we go from here?

We’ve been elevated to Ears, Nose, and Throat (ENT)–the gurus at Children’s Hospital Boston are expecting us in the morning. Before my pediatrician turned us over to the specialists, she tried to reassure me I did everything in my power to prevent this, that it won’t affect Alex’s hearing, and that it will likely heal on its own in a couple of months. Most importantly, she said Alex finally experienced a profound sense of relief, which made me well up inside. Still, I am so disappointed in myself. Did I miss something? How could this happen under my watch? I feel like such a failure.

I am so sorry, Alex. I love you more than I love myself, and, I promise, help is on the way, baby.

***I am done with chocolate, for now, but wanted something sweet to counteract the sour in my life. My Oatmeal Raisin Cookies are a treat I look forward to making every fall. There’s something about oatmeal that reminds me of this time of year.***

Oatmeal Raisin Cookies

Ingredients

3 eggs, well beaten

1 cup raisins

1 teaspoon vanilla

1 cup butter

1 cup brown sugar

1 cup white sugar

2 1/2 cups flour

1 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon cinnamon

2 teaspoons baking soda

2 cups oatmeal

Method

This is a crucial first step that makes the cookie: combine eggs, raisins, and vanilla and let stand for one hour. Don’t skip it–it’s well worth it

Cream together butter and sugars. Add flour, salt, cinnamon, and baking soda and mix well. Blend in egg-raisin mixture and oatmeal. Drop by heaping teaspoons onto ungreased cookie sheet, and bake in a 350 oven for 10-12 minutes or until lightly browned. Yum.