Potty Mouth

I can push my lawnmower walking down the street while watching out for traffic and dealing with your annoying a$$, Mommy. Don't you think I can handle peeing in a potty?

I’ve got poop on the brain. No, not literally (though with Alex’s arm that’s not a stretch)…I am thinking about potty training my son.

And then talking myself out of it.

And then talking myself back into it.

No one told me Mommying would create such a sizzling debate in my head all of the time. I am letting you in on what’s going on to save myself from a mental health consult, okay? I’ve really got an epic case of potty mouth. With myself. That sounds really bad, doesn’t it? Doctor…

Anyway, I don’t want to start too early–most boys aren’t ready until they’re 2 1/2, I am told–but I reconsider every time Alex mentions “pee pee” or “poo poo” or tries to prop himself up on the toilet while reading his cars book (yet another thing that must be in the male genetic code). He’s obsessed with the bathroom. I’ve long given up the notion of peeing in peace. Every time I go in there, he’s pointing at me yelling, “pee pee!” Good thing I don’t have stage fright issues–or I am just constantly nursing a coffee high so I have to go. Whatever. Kid’s really into toilet talk.

I am armed with a potty and a toilet seat, and even have the stickers to reward him (rock star Mommy, that’s me). Which one should I use? Or do I use both? I’ve consulted my Mommy Maven, who suggests skipping the potty altogether in favor of the toilet seat (so I don’t have to double-train and spare myself from the indignity of cleaning out that nasty little potty). She also suggests putting a Cheerio in the toilet so Alex can practice his aim (maybe that’s a trick all men should implement?). Quality advice, as usual.

It's payback time, Elmo.

And then there’s my husband, who’s insistent on training Alex to use his brand new Sesame Street potty (true confession: little passive-aggressive me purposely selected Elmo for my son to pee on because I am still harboring some unresolved feelings about him saying “Elmo” before “Mommy,” but I digress). Scott says potty before toilet seat, and he thinks our little guy is up for the challenge.

So, obviously I need your feedback. Not only am I arguing with myself, I am inciting debate with my loved ones and random people at the supermarket (don’t ask). How old was your child when you started potty training? Which method did you use? How long did it take? You get the idea…help a Mommy out, please.

***I’ll feature a new dish on my next post. Who wants to talk food after toilet talk?***

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