SAHM Fess Up

Nineteen more days. That’s all the time I have left as a SAHM. I am ripe and ready to fess up about the past two years, don’t you think?

– I use my sunglasses as a headband on bad hair days.

– I like to play a game I call, “Invent an Errand” when Alex gets pissy.

– If he’s kicking my a$$ and screaming while I try to wrestle him into his car seat to go on the fake errand, I look forward to shutting his door. I thoroughly enjoy the 30 seconds of muffled cries as I slowly walk around to my side of the car.

– My internal dialogue has an R-rating–on my good days.

– I freaking hate housework.

– I stuffed my washing machine with so many towels that it began to smoke and set off the fire alarm. I tried to cover the burnt rubber smell with spray, but the flowery burnt rubber smell was even worse. Alex walked around screaming, “P-U!” for a good hour as I openly begged the laundry G-ds for mercy (it magically healed itself without the $100 an hour service call).

Yup.

– Mommies who like housework must take happy pills my doctor will not prescribe.

– That said, I am super-fast at surface-cleaning my house ten minutes before my husband comes home in a lame attempt to make him think I’ve got it all together.

– I don’t have it all together–and I can’t stand those who pretend they do.

– I just met a Mommy at the playground who said, “I hope your son hurts my Type A bully kid so she can see what it feels like. Let’s not supervise them, okay?” I instantly liked her.

– I lick the peanut butter knife.

– I’ve taken up online shopping. Uh-oh is right.

– There are days when I wish I could slam my door and blast my music just like my teenager.

– I’ve missed sick days.

– I adore nap time.

– Hate me if you want to, but I don’t subscribe to the SAHM=sweatpants and no makeup.

– My son knows how to use an eyelash curler because he sees me do it every morning. That’s quality mothering right there.

– I will never make peace with the after-effects of my C-section.

– I always feel overwhelmed with things to do.

– Sometimes I can’t believe the sh*t that comes out of my son’s a$$. Immature, I know. But it’s true.

– When he throws food at the table, I have to resist the urge to throw it right back at him.

Wasn't I just pregnant--yesterday? Where did the time go? Courtesy Stefanie Lynn Photography www.stefanielynn.com

– There are moments when I look at my son, and I still can’t believe I made him (with hubby’s help, of course).

– Being a SAHM has been the toughest job, but I have loved it. I have never laughed so much!

One of my favorite pregnancy photos...courtesy Stefanie Lynn Photography. We did not know how incredible our baby boy was at that moment, but we were so excited to find out! He did not disappoint at all.

– Alex James, I’ll always cherish every second we’ve had, just me and you, and I look forward to being your co-pilot as you take flight, my precious baby boy. I love you beyond measure, to infinity and beyond, and am so proud of you I feel like I could burst.

Feel free to add your own confessions in the comments section. It’s liberating, let me tell you. And, while you’re at it, please give me a click. Thanks!
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